David Letterman's (yawn) sex life : Gene Owens

As everybody knows, late-night comedian David Letterman has confessed to having sex with women on his staff.
His confession accompanied the revelation that a man whom police identified as Robert Halderman, producer of CBS' "48 Hours" and other shows, had tried to blackmail him for $2 million over allegations of office sex.
Letterman wrote Halderman a phony check, Halderman tried to deposit it, and the trap was sprung.
I don't know about you, but the revelation that a famous TV personality had sex with women he worked with ranks right up there on the Richter shock scale with the news that Liz Taylor slept with Richard Burton while filming "Cleopatra."
Dave had been "dating" Regina Lasko, now 48, for 23 years, and the couple have a 6-year-old son. In today's parlance, "dating" means "sleeping together." For those with old-fashioned moral scruples, Letterman assures us that he slept with the other women before he married Lasko. So what? He obviously slept with Lasko before he married her. So you don't need Photoshop to zap that halo.
Since Dave revealed the extortion sting, at least two women have come forward to acknowledge affairs with him, and reports have been circulating about a bachelor pad above his studio where the comedian could entertain discreetly.
I got the distinct feeling that when Letterman revealed his pre-marital escapades he was bragging more than complaining. I've seen pictures of Regina, and she's an attractive lady, but not the stuff of fantasies. Dave may have needed some outside stimulants to nourish his ego.
At the time of his wedding, he said, "I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years, and I ... secretly felt that men who were married admired me -- like I was the last of the real gunslingers, you know what I'm saying?"
I'm not sure I know what he was saying. Did he mean that having a steady girlfriend who had not shackled him to a marriage contract left him free to play the field? And that he thereby became the envy of us married guys who were, in the words of Rodgers and Hammerstein's Ali Hakim, "trapped, hoodwinked, ambushed" and forced at shotgun point to the altar? Does he think we buy Hakim's argument that "If you make one mistake while the moon is bright, then they'll tie you to a contract so you make it every night"?
Well, Regina finally tied him to a contract, but it appears that somebody else at CBS was sleeping around and left some bedroom secrets lying around in a diary. Her post-Letterman sleep-in partner found them, and Dave's office adventures were outed.

I'm not sure whether Regina views Dave's premarital meandering as a scandal and an outrage, but his remarks on a later show indicate that she failed to find humor in the episode. Still, compared to the stuff that has been going around among governors and members of the U.S. House and Senate, it's strictly low-grade sinning.
Anyhow, that's between Regina and Dave. The notoriety may give him a leg up on Jay Leno (married for 19 years to a nice-looking philanthropist) and his prime-time offerings, not to mention Jay's late-night replacement, Conan O'Brien (married, father of two). It ought to be good for at least a temporary bump in the ratings.
Some really clever humor would be a big help for all three stand-ups, though at 11:30 p.m. I'm more in need of something to put me to sleep. I rarely stay awake past Dave's monologue, so if the guy had really riveting stories about his sex life, I'd have to skip his show completely just to get my sleep.
Dave showed his originality recently by doing a knockoff on Jay's often-used "funny headlines" routine. I'm going to show mine by doing a knockoff of his "top 10 things," specifically, the "Top 10 reasons I don't give a rat's patootie about David Letterman's sex life":
10. David Letterman and sex? Are you kidding?
9. Dave said it: The whole subject is creepy.
8. His portrayal of a pregnant Statue of Liberty is only marginally less offensive than his cheap shot at Sarah Palin's daughter.
7. When it comes to ridiculing Palin, he's not in the same league as Tina Fey.
6. Dave should focus his efforts on better jokes, not more romantic conquests.
5. If his pillow talk is as boring as his monologues, it's better than Ambien (though the side effects may be worse).
4. If you're looking for a male sex object in the CBS lineup, Andy Rooney wins hands-down over Dave.
3. If I took an interest in Dave Letterman's sex life, I might be led to probe Jay Leno's sex life, and that could lead to terminal boredom.
2. Grandma Lee is funnier than Dave, and her pursuit of Piers Morgan is more fascinating than Letterman's extracurricular activities.
1. Miss Peggy and I have eight children, 12 grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren, with grandchild 13 and great-grandchildren eight and nine on the way. With all that activity in our own back yard, David Letterman's sex life is well down our list of priorities.